Lance and Fair Play

“I’m deeply sorry for what I did.” ~ Lance Armstrong.

“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone..”  ~ Book of John; Chapter 8.

Let’s make one thing clear from the start; I loathe drug cheats in sports.  And that’s both ironic and understandable because three of my favorite sports, baseball, cycling and track and field, have made as many headlines about doping as they have about competition. 

Dis-HEART-ened

It’s Tuesday the 8^th and I’m in bed by 7:30.  On a normal evening I would be relaxing after dinner and feeling good about the day’s run.  It’s not a normal evening.  My heart is doing its version of the Macarena or the Rhumba.  It’s pretty much a middle-aged white guy version of one of those dances; or any dance for that matter.  You see, middle aged white guys are supposed to be notorious for not having rhythm; I’m a prime example.  And so that about describes what my heart is doing; it’s beating to no particular beat; out of rhythm.  It’s a condition known as atrial fibrillation.  Those of us with a more intimate knowledge of the disease refer to it contemptuously as a-fib.

Stepping Away from the Clif

“I don’t want to go to work on my last day,” she said wistfully.  “I just want to disappear.  I don’t want the sad goodbyes.”  It was the first emotion that I had really heard from her on the subject. 

It’s been a month since that conversation, though it seems like nearly half a year has passed.  We were driving to her office Christmas party; her last.  My wife’s last day at Clif Bar was just two weeks away.  She was retiring from the company that had just 32 employees when she first started 15 years ago; when it was still in the shadow of Power Bar.  Now Clif is a major player and the company boasts over 300 employees and still growing. 

Discarding Christmas

Six A.M. of a rainy day after Christmas; dreary, dark and cold.  Driving to work with the relatively few others of the sleepy and depressed on the freeway; and wondering why.  I guess this is how it is on the day after Christmas.

Christmas Potpourri; 2012 Edition

Christmas is a season for kindling the fire for hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart.~ Washington Irving 

Its Christmas Eve morn and I’ve just braved the crowds at Andronico’s, one of the areas high end food stores.  Cora doesn’t see much use for such stores unless we need something that’s actually good to eat; fresh produce, quality meats, cuts that you don’t find at the local market and fish that wasn’t raised on a farm.  Today’s mission was to get some good bread, crusty pain au lavain from San Francisco’s Acme Bakery.  On my way to checkout I grabbed a boxed pandoro, a sweet Italian bread, dusted with powdered sugar to resemble the snow covered Alps. 

Reflecting on Tragedy

Shifting emotions on Friday evening’s drive home; grief, rage, confusion.  Trying to digest the news out of Newtown, Connecticut.  Looking for sense in a landscape of senselessness. 

I’d been in meetings during much of the day.  Getting back to my office a co-worker told me of the news; she’d been at her desk bawling as she read the news.  I took a quick look at a report and didn’t realize the severity of what had unfolded.  Another killing - back to work.

Life is Not Fair

The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
So this is all I have to say

~  Suicide is Painless (M*A*S*H Theme).  Music by Johnny Mandel, Lyrics by Mike Altman

"Life is not fair; get used to it."
~  Bill Gates

"The world is not fair and often fools, cowards, and the selfish hide in high places."
~  Bryant H. McGill; Author and poet.

Within the short space of a week I was reminded more than once that life is not fair. They came of course by way of that universally respected organ of philosophic discussion; Facebook.  

One was a debate about 49er quarterbacks.  I’d expressed displeasure over Alex Smith, the starting quarterback apparently losing his job because his understudy had performed well the week before while Smith sat out with a concussion.  My contention was that Smith had been playing well over the course of the season and done nothing to lose his status as the starting player.  There was an exchange of opinions over the merits of one player over the other with one poster punctuating his comment with, “Life’s not fair.”

A few days later a friend posted a commencement address made (allegedly) by Bill Gates in which he listed 11 things that they don’t teach you in high school.  Rule number one on the list of Gatesian sagacity was; “Life is not fair – get used to it.”  Ouch. 

Let me make it clear, these weren’t the first times I’ve come across that pearl, “Life’s not fair.”   You hear it all the time.  At times its glib bullshit – something to say when you’ve really nothing more of any substance to add to the conversation.  Other times it’s used as Gates intended; a sort of hardnosed, Darwinian, tough love approach to survival in this veil of tears.